It's my birthday

Today is my birthday... I am another year older and wiser. :)

Soooo...

To me !

I am so grateful to have such a great family to spend it with.. along with many good friends.  I have a great life, despite the heartache and tragedy of late. 

Thank you all for being so awesome!

Love you ! <3

My opinion of CMT's Sweet Home Alabama

This is a clip of the show Sweet Home Alabama on CMT

    For the past several weeks I have faithfully watched the "Reality" dating show on CMT called Sweet Home Alabama, featuring Paige Duke and 22 men all vying for her love.  I can honestly say I have never been one that is big on watching reality TV or one to care about  what happens to the individuals on these shows because they volunteered to be on the show. 

     However, this show was different... I found myself liking Paige and caring who she chose to date.  I think I am one of thousands who wanted to throw something at the TV last night when she chose someone other than "Bubba", a hometown cowboy from Alabama. I literally turned my television off after Jeremiah was chosen and couldn't watch Paige tell Bubba that she hadn't picked him.. couldn't see the look of disappointment on his face.  Of course, the first thing I did after that was get on my Facebook to see what the reaction from my friends to the finale was... we were all in shock.  Paige broke Bubba's heart... I understand that none of us here in East Texas or across the country have ever met him.  It just seems to me as if maybe she led him on just a tad... if she had no intention of ever picking him... why tell him you could spend everyday for the rest of your life working his cows?  Why comment on how much room he has in his closets for your boots? As most of you know, I don't sleep well at night and pondered all of these things as I lie in bed last night.  Then I began wondering, what makes this show or any of it's cast members that important to me that I am losing sleep?  These people are total strangers and I shouldn't care.  It's almost as if while I sat here on my couch every Friday night religiously at 8pm watching this show progress that I have met these people and want only the best for them.  It doesn't matter that these people are on TV, these people have real lives, and real hearts and they are still adversely affected... only with the whole world watching.  I cannot imagine how that feels.  I cannot imagine being any of the contestants eliminated, but especially Bubba and having to keep a happy face for the three months it took in between the final taping of the show until last night ... pretending to be ok and not seem like your heart had been broken so you wouldn't give away the ending to the show.  Where does America draw the line between entertainment and people's lives? Where do we recognize that these are people's lives and they are important and shouldn't be played upon just for ratings? Now, some may say that if Paige and Bubba were to have met in a normal setting and  Paige chose to date another person she still would've broken his heart... well that may be. But at least he wouldn't have had the whole world watching his every move... or people telling him how much they loved him, wanted him to marry her, and then get the biggest disappointment of his life broadcast to the entire nation.

     Maybe I have an unfair bias towards sweet handsome southern cowboys who know how to treat a lady... But, I for one would've gladly picked Bubba... and wouldn't have ever thought twice about it.

    I cannot judge a person for how they feel towards another and if Paige truly does love Jeremiah, despite how he behaved on TV, I can't blame her for picking him.  That just means there is one more super sweet respectful cowboy to love a great lady.  Every person deserves someone who will love them unconditionally, truly want them to be happy and be willing to do anything for them.  Maybe it takes truly having your heart broken to understand this.

    That's all the ranting I have for now on Tv shows.  I don't think I'll be watching CMT's new show Southern Nights.  I've seen my fair share of drama in my own life and on Sweet Home Alabama this season, that I don't care to see a bunch of adults be relatively immature and behave like high-schoolers.

So MUCH Anger..

I have been so busy mourning the loss of my son that I haven't had time to be angry over my situation as a whole... the way my husband treated me while we were married... the fact he filed for divorce while I was still in the hospital trying to save our son.  It seems to be hitting me all at once now.  There are several songs that tell more than I ever could about how I feel about him.

I really do pray most days he gets hit in the head with something...  no person should have to call the police on their spouse from their hospital room...

He was emotionally abusive and is just a stupid boy... a very sorry excuse for a man.

I don't have any respect for someone who tries to defy the law.. and for someone who has no respect for his wife or his child.  No man I've ever met would leave their wife all alone in the hospital.. no man would think his wife selfish for trying to save their child's life.. no  man would think their child was better off in Heaven.  No man I know would tell his wife not to come home and nothing else when she tells them their child had passed away.. no man I know who is any excuse for a man would pick the day after their child passed away to text his wife to tell her he'd filed for divorce..  It's very sad to me because I feel guilty for Jake.  I feel like Jake deserves or deserved better... he deserved a daddy who truly cared about him and who loved him... not someone who was obviously just putting on a big fat act!

I feel sorry for his next target.. the next girl who will fall for that charm he puts on until you're married.. I'm a Lucky girl to have gotten out of that abusive marriage.

For those of you needing to know the signs of abuse here they are.. I realized I was living them before I was hospitalized and knew before Jake had ever passed away that I would not be returning home to live with my husband...

No one benefits from staying in an abusive relationship.  If you or someone you know is in a relationship that shows the signs of abuse listed below.. I urge you to seek help and get out.  Luckily I had a safe refuge, some don't but there are crisis shelters in most towns.. if you are in east Texas, here is a link to the crisis center.  http://www.etcc.org

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings	Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?	Does your partner: humiliate or yell at you? criticize you and put you down? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for their own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats	Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?  threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings?	Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?

What my choice of music says about me:

I really wanted to do something today for this blog out of my recent ordinary.. do something happy.. so here is the results of a quiz I took on blogthings about what my taste in music says about me:

Your Taste in Music Says You're Cheerful

Your musical tastes are upbeat and conventional. 

You are an easy going, optimistic person.

Family and friends are very important to you.

You enjoy caring for and helping other people.

You thrive in a tranquil environment, and you do your best to keep things peaceful.

You enjoy your life. You have your priorities straight.

Happy Thursday Night!

Good Moments

Today, I had the opportunity to babysit my niece while my sister & brother in- law were working and my mother was awaiting my grandmother to be moved into the ICU after knee replacement surgery. Besides the fact that the wind was blowing approx. 20 miles per hour, it was a beautiful day... so I took Payton and Adleigh outside to play.  Payton rode his bicycle ... the kids and I checked the mail... then I found a lawn chair & watched them play. At one point in time I look up to see Adleigh and Payton sitting in the beds of his big yellow Tonka dump trucks and rolling down a small incline in our driveway. It was so very cute,  then they had to top it.. Adleigh sat in Payton's lap and they rolled again. It was so great to see pure joy and innocence on their faces. I wish I had a picture.  I love seeing the babies I love(no matter how big, since their almost 3 & 6) happy.

Today was a good day. I'm happy for good days now. :)

Momma loves you Payton <3

Kekee loves you Adleigh Bear <3

And of course momma loves Jake too <3

For Parents who've lost a child

I found this poem yesterday on a site that is dedicated to grieving parents.  It is so very sweet and touching, yet heartbreaking as well.  I hope you smile and think of your sweet angel in Heaven like I did.

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
~Author Unknown

To read my blog devoted to my son and other mothers who have angels in Heaven please go to this link
http://www.stillloved.blogspot.com