So MUCH Anger..

I have been so busy mourning the loss of my son that I haven't had time to be angry over my situation as a whole... the way my husband treated me while we were married... the fact he filed for divorce while I was still in the hospital trying to save our son.  It seems to be hitting me all at once now.  There are several songs that tell more than I ever could about how I feel about him.

I really do pray most days he gets hit in the head with something...  no person should have to call the police on their spouse from their hospital room...

He was emotionally abusive and is just a stupid boy... a very sorry excuse for a man.

I don't have any respect for someone who tries to defy the law.. and for someone who has no respect for his wife or his child.  No man I've ever met would leave their wife all alone in the hospital.. no man would think his wife selfish for trying to save their child's life.. no  man would think their child was better off in Heaven.  No man I know would tell his wife not to come home and nothing else when she tells them their child had passed away.. no man I know who is any excuse for a man would pick the day after their child passed away to text his wife to tell her he'd filed for divorce..  It's very sad to me because I feel guilty for Jake.  I feel like Jake deserves or deserved better... he deserved a daddy who truly cared about him and who loved him... not someone who was obviously just putting on a big fat act!

I feel sorry for his next target.. the next girl who will fall for that charm he puts on until you're married.. I'm a Lucky girl to have gotten out of that abusive marriage.

For those of you needing to know the signs of abuse here they are.. I realized I was living them before I was hospitalized and knew before Jake had ever passed away that I would not be returning home to live with my husband...

No one benefits from staying in an abusive relationship.  If you or someone you know is in a relationship that shows the signs of abuse listed below.. I urge you to seek help and get out.  Luckily I had a safe refuge, some don't but there are crisis shelters in most towns.. if you are in east Texas, here is a link to the crisis center.  http://www.etcc.org

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings	Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?	Does your partner: humiliate or yell at you? criticize you and put you down? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for their own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats	Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?  threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings?	Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?