Vent

You know, life sure is funny. It seems that when you think your life is going good and steady, something always happens. You have a good job, all your bills are getting paid, and something breaks on your car, or your kids get sick and you have to miss work. Or like in my case, I was married, living an ok life, pregnant with my 2nd little boy, when Wham!, all of it was over.  Just like that. All of it is now a memory.  One that replays everyday in my head. It's so very hard not to look at what used to be and the way things are now and not be angry. Although my husband, whom I had known and been with for the past 5 years, is about 8 years older than me , he apparently never learned how to behave like an adult. He never learned how not to be spiteful and ugly to someone who loves you. Regardless of what anyone may say, or how badly I may have been treated, he was my husband and I loved him. I would've done anything for him and oftentimes did. I changed who I was for him, limited who I talked to and even began shutting my family and friends out of my life, just to keep him happy.  I hate knowing that the way I felt about him wasn't reciprocated. I hate knowing that just to hurt me and pack the biggest blow possible, he's trying everything he can to break me down. What's crazy to me is I never did a thing to deserve all of this. We got married. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, even when I felt something was wrong with my pregnancy.  Then, for 3 long, pain staking weeks I layed in a hospital bed, unable to get up, trying to save his son and this is what I get. How screwed up is that? How screwed up is it that my 'lovely' husband, who had been married before just quietly filed divorce proceedings with his ex wives and was through.  For me, he starts a war. I'm not sure what made me so special ... hope he has fun though doing this. Hope he really enjoys his new love too. I'd hate to hold him back from such.  I'm tired of being nice. I'm tired of being walked on. So glad that chapter of my life is over. 

I'll wait patiently for this war to end and when it does I'm having a party to celebrate my new life, my life where I'm allowed to be happy. I can't wait!

Jessica