Imitation is...

Some say imitation is the best form of flattery.  For some, this may be true. However,  I don't find some imitation to be flattering,  appealing or even funny.  In the four years I worked for the District Clerk's office in a nearby county, I always claimed that I could no longer be surprised by anything one could do/ or be found to have done. I had seen it all.         I now stand corrected. 

I read a poem not long ago about a pair of shoes.  It spoke of how the shoes the author wears are ugly and uncomfortable ... other people look funny at her for wearing them, yet no one wants to trade places... because the shoes she was wearing were the shoes of a lady who had lost a child.
I identified heavily with this piece. Normal people wouldn't envy me for going through this horrible process of losing my precious son and the grieving along with it.

It is to my amazement that I  see a person I don't even know, someone who's dating my husband,  who never met my son, felt him move or saw his precious face, can pretend like they are grieving his loss. Who does that? My son was just that, he belonged to my husband and I no one else!!  Children, especially children in Heaven are not inherited. No one has the right to try and stake claim over him. 

To beg for the pity and sorrow of others for the death of a child who belonged to your 'boyfriend' and his WIFE is pathetic.

I've never heard of or seen of this in my life!
The Lord says that vengeance is his, so I will leave this in his hands and think no more of it.  I just wish more people recognized you for who you are.

School bells

Today was the first day of my first summer semester of college, before I  finally receive my Associate's Degree in Social Work in the fall. My class this semester is Environmental Biology.  I have lab three whole days a week, and the actual class is online.  We will see how this turns out.  I am fairly confident things will go well.  After all, I have completed about seven online classes.  However, this  is the first semester I will be trying to go to school with my heart and mind oftentimes somewhere other than here. 

Today, I entered into the classroom.

Chose a nice place to sit, close to the front of the room and the professor.  There were several other ladies who sat close to me.  The one directly across from me was a social work major as well.  I also learned that the mother of the lady who sat next to me was a social worker and worked locally in children's services.   It made me feel great to know that so many people are wanting to work for the greater good of society.

My heart only heart momentarily today when the girl who is about my age, told me that her Social worker mother only now works about two days a week, because she had just given birth and her mother would rather stay home and watch her sweet baby than work.  As the time passed, the girl asked me what I wanted to do in social work and I told her I would love to work with abused and neglected children, or maybe in a hospital setting, since the social worker in my hospital was so great to me.  I had to explain that I was in the hospital for three weeks.  She asked what I did there.  She thought I had been working in there as part of a social work program. 

Sitting there trying to explain, I almost broke down in tears.  I just sat there stumbling over my words.  

Finally, I just told her that it sucked and dropped it.  

Luckily, class after that continued without anymore issues or tears.  Hopefully the rest of the semester will continue on the same way.

Happy Monday everyone!

Just Fun!

Today Payton was playing outside, and wanted to ride his tricycle on the road beside our house, as we live way out in the sticks of East Texas, and have a dirt driveway.  I admit, most of the time I tell him no, because I don't want him to get hit by a car, even though he never rides unless i'm on the road with him...

Payton found a bungee cord in his papa's truck not long ago, and plays with it now every chance he gets.  Today he made a seatbelt for his trike with it, and fastened it around himself to the handle bars. :)

While riding down the road, My sweet baby boy picked me a flower just like this.

After a little while, I remembered he had sidewalk chalk in the house.  I told him to run and get it... he was more than willing, and ran in!  After a little bit, he came back with a blue and pink piece of chalk... we had more than fun drawing everything imaginable with it. 

 Here are our Creations:

This is Payton drawing a heart, telling me to wait until he got done. :) His puppy couldn't help but lick the chalk up. lol

These are elephants Payton drew... the little one is the baby and the big one is the mommy!

This one started out as me drawing a big circle... to put who knows what in, then Payton drew another... so we made it a frog. :) He added the legs on the far side.

Of Course, I couldn't leave out my baby Jake : )

Some time passed,and mimi came outside, so we had to show off all of our drawings. : ) Mimi joined the fun and we made chalk outlines of each other in the road. You just never know what we're up to around here. haha

First mimi made Payton a snail. So Super Cute!!!

Mimi was the first to have a full body outline. :)

Then it was Payton's turn.

and then Momma's

This is our Finished product.

Payton, Mimi, Momma

I sure do love my boys!!

Happy Tuesday all!

Shake,rattle, EARTHQUAKE??

Last night was not a good night for me.  I was sad for a great part of the night and could not bring myself to sleep.  I cried for a good while, and it all started because I was thinking about the rain.  I don't like the rain anymore since Jacob passed away and is now buried not far from home.  I hate thinking about his little grave getting wet and so on and so forth.  I finally had done enough crying and passed out around 1:30 or 2am.

  I was rudely awakened last night around 3:12am, because it felt like my bed was shaking, my dresser and tv were making creaking noises and all of my jewelry was rattling.  I couldn't tell if I was having some sort of crazy dream or if we were having an earthquake.  My mother just happened to be on my end of the house, and I asked her did we just have an earthquake?  She didn't feel the house move at all... so we were convinced that I was having a weird dream and tried to go back to sleep... although my heart was pounding.

A few moments later, my mother came back to my bedroom, and said the local news here in East Texas was reporting numerous reports of an earthquake... about the time I felt it.  I wasn't having some sort of crazy dream after all... East Texas really did have another earthquake.  The second one in less than a week.

According to the USGS (U.S. Geological Survey), the earthquake that happened was of 4.3 magnitude. According to KLTV.com, this is the third strongest earthquake in East Texas history.  Our tiny town sits on a fault line, however, this quake took place about 50 miles away, just outside the city of Timpson.

To read more about the earthquake in Timpson,Texas on May 16,2012 click here:

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsus/Quakes/usb0009rtk.php#details

The link takes you to the USGS website for the quake.

To read comments of East Texans about the quake, here is the story from our local news:

 http://www.kltv.com/story/18467573/earthquake-confirmed-in-east-texas

I hope all of you closer to Timpson had minimal amounts of damage done to your homes and property and that all of you are safe.  

School... stress... degree

So, it has been 5 months since I attended college.
I begin my last 3 semesters of classes, in 19 days on June 4th.
 This is very bittersweet to me.
In 18 days, June 3rd, my sweet baby boy was due to be born.
I'm not supposed to be starting school to finish two summer semesters, a fall semester and graduate.
 I'm supposed to be losing sleep at night in anticipation of meeting the other half of my world.
 I am happy to be finally almost done with a degree, 7 years after graduating high school... but at the same time, I desperately wish I wasn't. I wish that the feeling of only wanting a degree wasn't so far away, and now didn't take form as stress and dread in my life instead.
If I had my way, I'd have my sweet baby boy and a degree ... I don't care if I would've had to wait 10 years... he would've been worth it!
I'll start this summer semester though with the goal of graduating and working to help those who need it most.  This has been my goal for so many years and I can't wait to achieve it.

Vent

You know, life sure is funny. It seems that when you think your life is going good and steady, something always happens. You have a good job, all your bills are getting paid, and something breaks on your car, or your kids get sick and you have to miss work. Or like in my case, I was married, living an ok life, pregnant with my 2nd little boy, when Wham!, all of it was over.  Just like that. All of it is now a memory.  One that replays everyday in my head. It's so very hard not to look at what used to be and the way things are now and not be angry. Although my husband, whom I had known and been with for the past 5 years, is about 8 years older than me , he apparently never learned how to behave like an adult. He never learned how not to be spiteful and ugly to someone who loves you. Regardless of what anyone may say, or how badly I may have been treated, he was my husband and I loved him. I would've done anything for him and oftentimes did. I changed who I was for him, limited who I talked to and even began shutting my family and friends out of my life, just to keep him happy.  I hate knowing that the way I felt about him wasn't reciprocated. I hate knowing that just to hurt me and pack the biggest blow possible, he's trying everything he can to break me down. What's crazy to me is I never did a thing to deserve all of this. We got married. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, even when I felt something was wrong with my pregnancy.  Then, for 3 long, pain staking weeks I layed in a hospital bed, unable to get up, trying to save his son and this is what I get. How screwed up is that? How screwed up is it that my 'lovely' husband, who had been married before just quietly filed divorce proceedings with his ex wives and was through.  For me, he starts a war. I'm not sure what made me so special ... hope he has fun though doing this. Hope he really enjoys his new love too. I'd hate to hold him back from such.  I'm tired of being nice. I'm tired of being walked on. So glad that chapter of my life is over. 

I'll wait patiently for this war to end and when it does I'm having a party to celebrate my new life, my life where I'm allowed to be happy. I can't wait!

Jessica

Thoughtful Thursday

Today is Thursday... 

The day here lately that I reflect upon my life and the good things in it.  My neighbor recently gave us their trampoline because their granddaughter was too big for it. Payton and my niece love it!  We spent most of the afternoon outside watering their sunflower garden, our vegetable garden and of course jumping, jumping, jumping!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of them jumping

 Payton showing off his tricks :)

 Adleigh wanted me to hold her hand while Payton bounced us

Payton loves spinning like a top!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you tried jumping on a trampoline holding onto 2 kids? :)

It's SO MUCH FUN!!!

 Adleigh loves jumping while she holds onto my hands <3

I love those babies!!